Hey! This is a longer email so I’m going to cut the intro short. Hit the reply button to tell me what you’d like to see more of in Relatable AF.
Have a great week everyone!
AF tip of the week
This tip is great for those who just quit drinking and those who have been in the game for a while. But let’s be honest - boundary setting is good for EVERYONE.
It’s not easy. It takes some confidence and the ability to stand up for what you need.
A few AF boundaries you can set are:
Tell your people what you are and aren’t comfortable with when it comes to being around alcohol.
Pick and choose the events you go to according to YOUR comfort level.
Decide who and what kinds of things you want to spend your time on.
Leave social events when you feel like it.
Say no to things that don’t align with your progress.
Don’t forget, that boundaries aren’t only for other people. Make boundaries for yourself by deciding what you are and aren’t willing to do when it comes to alcohol. You got this. ❤️
What’s up? + a picture
Tomorrow (August 23) is my son’s sixth birthday. We’re planning to take him to the Mall of America for rides, the arcade, lunch, and who knows what else we’ll get into - and I can’t wait. Once you become a parent, your child’s joy becomes yours. Watching him get excited about things and have fun makes me happy. It should be a great time.
I went through all my old pictures and decided on this one to share with you this week. It’s a photo of the three of us the day after he was born. We didn’t know what we were doing. He was healthy but had to stay in the step-down NICU for five days to be on antibiotics. We thought of it as “extra help” for new parents who were tired and unaware of what they were in for.
And just like that, he’ll be six tomorrow and starting kindergarten in two weeks.
What is time? Enjoy what little you have. ❤️
Q & A
You asked…
With all your time sober, what is your favorite thing about that lifestyle change?
Here’s what I think…
Hands-down: no hangovers.
I used to get the WORST hangovers you could imagine. Ones where I couldn’t even drink water. And the water was the only thing I wanted. It was bad. Each time I had a hangover I’d wish the day away because I knew that time was the only thing that would really help.
Of course, it was because of the amount I drank and the fact that I didn’t take care of myself very well.
Without hangovers, I feel like anything is possible. Even on my worst day, it’s not the worst because I’m not hungover.
Do you have a question you want to see answered here? Send me an email or DM me on Instagram.
These AF words
My hope is that this space is where I will write an essay for you each month that is exclusive to Relatable AF. This month has been such a busy one that I’m sharing a blog I wrote last year for Lionrock Recovery. I think you’ll find it really useful.
4 Ways to Curb Shame and Regret When You Quit Drinking
Quitting drinking can bring up big feelings of shame and regret. It can be hard to move forward when your mind is stuck on what happened in the past. For some people, it’s easier to not speak about it. Others are speaking out loud because it helps us, and it helps others feel less alone. I've done a lot of things in my past that I regret, and if I could go back and re-do some parts of my life, I wouldn't. If I did, I don't know if I would be where I am today.
How do I deal with shame and regret? I feel that the universe has a way of making things happen the way they are supposed to, good or bad. Would I be typing these words at this exact moment if the events in my life didn’t line up exactly the way that they did? This way of thinking is not for everyone, but it’s what helps me.
Having regret is wishing you hadn’t done something. It can also be thinking that you may have missed out on an opportunity. You might regret that you didn’t take a chance on something because of your drinking. Or you can regret doing something while drinking that you wouldn’t have done if you had been sober.
Shame is different. It's that feeling deep down that makes you feel that you’re a bad person, because of things you have done. In turn, you may feel unworthy of happiness or good things. You don’t think you are worth it.
In the end, both shame and regret are thoughts. They are simply how we think about ourselves and our actions, but they aren’t who we really are.
Many people use alcohol to numb their feelings. While you’re drinking it’s easy to put negative thoughts to the back of your mind. But when you quit drinking, you’re required to feel your feelings. And you’ll probably get flooded with lots of new emotions. For some people, this is a brand new feeling and can be a very difficult part of recovery. It takes time to figure out how to work through these feelings, and it isn’t always easy.
We can’t change the past. But what's cool about recovery is that we get to grow from our past mistakes. This allows us to move forward and do the next right thing. We get to make a better future for ourselves, without alcohol. And that’s exciting.
But how?
Recognize Your Thoughts
When a regretful or shameful thought comes into your head, notice it. Is there a specific time of day, place, or person who brings up these feelings? If so, you might need to adjust some people, places, or things in your life. This might not be forever, but as you work through your feelings about the past, you’ll figure that out for yourself. Only you know what you are comfortable with. You are the one who has to do the work.
Accept The Past
Remember, your thoughts about the past are that, thoughts. Whatever happened in the past is done. You can’t change it. But you can change the way you think about it. As I said, I think about my past as the path I needed to go on to get to where I am today.
Get Closure
If you need to, apologize to people who you may have hurt. Doing this can bring you closure. It might also bring you closer to that person. It’s human nature to remember the negative, but you might be surprised. Sometimes what we remember as being a bad situation, isn’t even something other people remember at all. You could be being hard on yourself for nothing. But you’ll never know if you don’t try.
Talk About It
Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Therapy can be beneficial for people to work through the hard things. If you're struggling, a licensed professional can give you some tools to work through it. Another way you can talk about it is to journal, blog, or share on social media. Sometimes putting it out there helps you to realize you’re not alone and in turn, helps others too.
Although it feels daunting, you are capable of getting to a place in your life in which you can own and be grateful for your past. Good or bad, those times caused you to be who you are today. And remember, your thoughts are only thoughts. They aren’t your reality. And only you have the ability to change your future.
You should…
Read
‘I’m not drinking right now.’ You don’t need to have a problem to take a break. [The Washington Post]
‘Alcohol is a hand grenade’: how reality TV went from boozy Big Brother to nosecco Love Island [The Guardian]
Watch
Things I like (with links)
Mocktail Club | use code: BLAIR15 for 15% off
Gruvi | use code: RELATABLEAF10 for 10% off first-time purchases
Curious Elixirs | use code: SHARP22 for $10 off $50
Recess | use code: RelatableAF for 15% off
NOPE | use code: RELATABLEAF for 20% off 2 or more 4-packs
Smart Sweets | use code: SOBRIETYACTIVIST10 for 10% off $30